when you find your car can you pick me up? his mom is here and im hungover
So. Did i wake up at 430, try to drive home, stop to throw up at a shell, and try to clean out my car and drop my keys in a full dumpster? Yes.
Ended up passed out drunk in the neighbors lawn, still in costume. Neighbors thought I was a lawn decoration. Ten points for best Halloween ever.
i seriously have like 9 pictures of people taking shots out of a vag on my camera....
No I'm not coming over. That Bob Ross drinking game is too intense.
God she is annoying. I am only keeping her around on fb because I want to see if her baby comes out looking like an alien or not.
There were two girls and a guy on a bed and now i can put porn director on my resume.
Last night I passed a kidney stone as I came inside her. Worst. Experience. Ever.
apparently i tried to facetime the drunk bus last night, that's probably why we had to walk back to campus
Drunk ass.
damnit. I just found my cousin on tinder.
Never let a one night stand shower at your place. My razor, lotion, and brush disappeared. #girlcode
Mike's my new hero. There's a flagpole of hook-up's bras on his porch and a week's supply of beer in his fridge but he still has a great job.
And why in he fuck did I get 'dick' in Romanian tattooed on my forearm
Russell is lonely. He needs a companion.
You're lucky you have a monster cock or most people may just laugh at your penis' nickname.
Btw I appreciate you as a friend for taking the time to validate my sluttiness
Randomize