Cab driver just said he likes mutual masturbation in the cab. Um
I just had my first uncircumcised penis. I kept staring at it like the foreskin was going to fall off on its own.
The way I see it, if i don't fail the midterm and blow off some of the projects, how else am I going to get motivated to study for the final ?
also, I just found three random bruises on my knee. probably from when I was velcrod to the stairs
sooo... you have no idea who nailed their tubesocks to my wall?
I can't come tonight. Someone took a shit in the dressing room. A.) Clean it up or B.) Kill myself. Text back with your answer.
The lady at Walgreens was all excited my pregnancy tests had a coupon.
When theres a zombie apocalypse, i will be the only fat survivor. I ate chef boyardi ravioli with part of a pen for a fork
I mean I'm into guys with money but more into guys I'm actually attracted to
yeah i guess i'd rather he was hot than rich
wow i don't know if that qualifies as growing up but if it does i'm all in
You left something at the house but since I'm back home now so I can just mail it over. Address?
I didn't realize you could put dignity in a box these days.
Are you planning on wandering into construction sites drunk and falling down 6' holes?
probably
Yes dating, but it seems easier to just live in a perpetual state of Netflix, internet porn, and cheese.
You did a cartwheel, it was terrible.
I remember that cartwheel, it was okay.
Is there anything more American than getting day drunk and watching Hulk Hogan promos?
I don't know how I got home but I'm pretty sure the guy in my closet had something to do with it
Randomize
