i just posted a lake picture of you with a dead fish in your mouth. happy july 5th.
she texted him the burrito order while she was puking in the Del Taco parking lot...
I just realized I used lady gaga lyrics in my research paper on marie antoinette
I know its been a few months but you must know you hve the 2nd biggest dick I've ever seen. 1st place went to a rapper so don't feel bad.
She called to say she's single and blow job season is back.
This stranger told me I should "start playing for the other team" and then continued to talk to me about the joys of being a lesbian
I'm drinking straight vodka and railing lines of adderall while writing a paper about the nature of Jesus. It's 6:50 in the morning. College.
Apparently at some point last night someone gave me tequila. There was a few shots left when I woke up so that was breakfast. This is a good birthday
You were supposed to be my wingman and all you kept to her friend was "kill it with fire"..
Doing laundry. My jeans from last night smell like chicken wings and motor oil.
he BROKE his KNEE while we were getting it on, called 911 and the ambulance that showed up contained two paramedics, ONE WAS HIS FUCKING SISTER!!! HOW IS THIS MY LIFE?!?!?!
Poor life choices...?
I know you like got hit by a car but do you want to come to my birthday pardi
I want to start a guest book for my bed room so when dudes leave they can write a review
bitch, i have a flask. i've got things under control.
god. marry me.
Only if I get to be Gritty
How would you be Gritty for a fantasy hockey league?
Don't worry about it.
Randomize