I think I speak chipmunk. Odd.
Are you high?
No. That's why it's odd
yo im tryna cop a beej tonight
It would be worth it to see how drunk he is right now.
He cartwheeled into the side of the neighbor's garage.
Ok, i'm coming over
history professor just told us he has magic fingers. i'm going for it.
she gave me a blowjob during our lunchbreak and expected me not to tell people
God gave him joint rollers for hands
Housekeeping just called to see if we were okay bc they came in the room earlier and we didn't move.
Fake an illness. Her and her friends are like the female version of guys who wear tapout shirts
I'll be in SoCal at my bachelorette party, aka embracing a fireman covered in KY and chocolate shavings.
lonely sunday drunk me decided to tweeze my pubes. HORRIBLE IDEA
I'm sure I'll run in to him again, there's only so many VA detoxes.
He ate a Doritos taco from my boobs. Does your boyfriend do that?
The time stamp on this text message is reason enough alone to not leave me unsupervised
He gave me a box of cheez-its after sex, does that make me a hooker?
I found my wallet. Still have no idea when I put mad dog in my steel water bottle, though...
Randomize
