I'd wear matching sweaters with you
You know it's time to leave Spain when you are back and forth between Skype and a Spanish dictionary trying to figure out out to say "I can still smell you on my skin."
I slept with some guy because he drew a dinosaur on my arm
I woke up in his bed wearing nothing but my underwear and it was on backwards and my entire body is too sore to move...
Im glad someone is finally more of a drunken slut than I am.
I was informed last night that im not allowed to pick up the bouncers and carry them around anymore. Last sat is starting to make more sense
i dont care. it has been a 14 hour day, and we are all celebrating by alternating shots and grilled cheese.
Just a smidgen more estrogen and shed be golden
She's got a legit dose of dude going on
No kidding. All she needs is a cheek full of chewing tobacco and I'd have fucked John wayne.
She just had to change the song on the radio cause I was tap dancing on her windshield
He ate me out while I was wearing a tiara.... I think I could get used to this
So is there some kind of punch card you and I get to use every time we fuck a chick with a cast?
Welcome to a new world. May the gods of weed smile upon you as you embark on exploring this new dimension.
lets start a news segment called WHY IS LEOS CROTCH BURNING TODAY
My ex's new girlfriends ex boyfriend is getting me my nipples pierced for Valentine's Day so who's the real winner here
I lost my wallet so I paid for my cab ride home with a sausage sandwich I found in my purse. Must have thought it was my wallet.
Yes. With one-hundred percent positivity I can say yes, I do not want you covered in waffles and syrup when I come home.
Randomize
