Get your hand out of your ass!
how did you know my hand was in my ass? Guess where my other hand is..?
In your belly button
He was all up on my grill like I was having a BBQ. I DONT EVEN KNOW HOW TO USE A GRILL.
She was so drunk that I kept trying to switch out her wine for water. Sort of like Jesus, but in reverse.
he was in the bathroom singing "will it floooaaat?? will it floooaaat?!" turns out that's a deal breaker for me.
Dibs on passing out in front of the toilet.
Normal people don't sit around and watch Degrassi for twelve hours...
FUCK YOU.
Just to be safe, you should be prepared to jump out of a second story window
I gave you head at the stadium on a Thursday night ESPN game. That damn well better be worth points on the score board!!!
His roommates came in and started a dance party in his room while we were having sex. He said it wasnt the first time.
He showed up at my door at 3 AM wearing a Santa hat with a tiara attached.
I'm hoping my engineering degree will pay off when I invent porn watching in the shower
I'll be thirty in eight months. I think my goal is too stop changing my pants in the parking lot at work by then.
Whatever. I'll take my new fine ass dick sucking nails elsewhere.
I'm just too horny to handle empty house
He's the one named Andrew. In his profile picture he is the one on the right in the monkey costume.
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