ally, we are sitting by a fire and you are totally hot. no pun intended
i woke up with a shattered plate next to my head.
You should probably wake up already as I have yet another story for you. Teaser? Blood from knife wound. Tequila. Guitar hero. Kitchen counter. Lawyer.
I don't think i can handle my uncle say again that kid rock is a true musician....
Either I need to stop bringing you back to my apt or I need to stop buying ikea furniture
WHERE ARE MY FUCKING EYEBROWS?!
It was all going great until he pulled the hamburger meat out of his pocket
No more co-pays for contraceptives. Whoever says Obama is a bad guy has clearly never had a pregnancy scare.
Lets have the type of night where its 5am and one of us has definitely punched someone who has been on a Disney Channel show.
lets talk about you, dubstep, and a bunny suit.
apparently, dueling with garden tools in Home Depot is strictly frowned upon
The only times girls talk to me at clubs is when they're asking if I'm okay when I'm puking outside. Or if it's a tranny
GOOD NEWS I CAN BRING THE VODKA IN MY LUGGAGE
It's 11:50 on Friday the 13th. There's a full moon. AND the bride to be just puked on herself while getting a lap dance from a stripper named...wait for it....LUCKY. Is this real life?
I accidentally told my mom I broke my drug nail this weekend
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