Eating meat and looking at porn while roommate is at church for Ash Wednesday. Win.
you are the sluttiest virgin ive ever met
thanks it was an honor just to be nominated
Is it too much to ask that he stop calling me 'titty fuck' in public?
She refused to give me a hand job while we were watching a war movie saying she didn't wanna disrespect the soldiers
He won't stop licking me..... im choosing your date next time.
Dear America, sometimes I miss your Everclear and its consequences.
I might have hooked up with a 2003 alumni last night in the basement
Dude you were ten when he graduated
Wahoowaaaaaaa
This is three metal detector wands away from being the strangest porn I have ever been in the audience for.
Smoking a bowl and ordering Dominos, you want in on either, both, or none?
I'm playing trivia and drinking margaritas so now is not a good time.
I don't think it's ever a good night if I'm this hung over and I didn't even get an orgasm out of the deal...
Still, being medically ordered to stuff things in your vagina is amazing.
I parked in the SAE Fraternity lot and left a note that said if you don't tow me you will all get a blowjob.
Please don't give away my fajitas
I’m going to lick a fucking door knob when this shit is all over
Probably Waffle House
Randomize