I was looking through my facebook friends list to see how many ppl on the list i've hooked up with, and was effectively reminded of my failed friendships, relationships, fuck budy-ships, friends with benefits, and "i cant remember if i ever did shit with him but we're awkward now" ships.
Babe, the 4 years we've been together have been amazing. Will you marry me?
are you seriously doing this over text message
hahaha no, but i am dumping you.
my feelings for you are synonymous with those of a grizzly bear and salmon. i don't want to nom on you; but i need you to survive
her face looked like how i feel after Taco Bell
I wish I could attach your penis to someone I like more than you.
I'm not taking advise from someone who responded to the pickup line "I have a penis"
Chill out, I'm getting ready as fast as I can. I didn't even masturbate in the shower.
Hypothetical question. Say I was bleeding profusely, close to your house, and needed a place to go to clean up and perform minor surgery on myself. Like now.
Cute boy and deffffff wearing a HS shirt. I am getting too old to be inaccurate.
The guy next to me just said he wont play beer pong on principle. Im scared.
There's no way I'm ready for marriage. I have too many pics of other guys' junk on my phone for an eternal commitment right now.
Yeah, tell that to my thumb. Cause it was up my ass all night waiting for you.
Today in French class my teacher was singing "what does the fox say" so i started answering in similar satanic ritual noises
What started out as a one night stand ended in him texting me the next day, saying he thought he was gay.
I'm doing my drinking workout. 20 pushups for each beer I finish. I should write a fucking book
Randomize
