last night I thought his shirt said yale... but this morning it definitely says old navy.
We got bored. So we went to planned parenthood to stare at everyone who made worse decisions than us last night.
i wanted to be an indian when i was a child. apparently you cannot grow up to be an indian.
I could swear I did coke with Jesus last night
He told me to pick a safe word. I said 'cactus' and he said I wasn't taking this seriously and that I wasn't cut out for s&m.
Woke up this morning with a note saying "great sex, see you never". Why can't I meet more women like her?
She thought someone was breaking in but when I said it was me she got even angrier and threw a coffee mug at my head.
i'm sober ask me anything about the civil war
Oh you're gonna love this story. I almost cut off a little girl's pony tail.
You asked her to play "the coma game" with you while hooking up, and then passed out in her bed. She couldn't wake you up so she slept on the floor.
Looks like I won that one
I don't think I can look at him the same way anymore after he walked in my room wearing a short skirt with a boner.
We need to do something soon. I need like 4,000 beers and a cigarette.
I'm sorry, that really sucks. I'm in the bath eating lasagna and if anyone comes in here it's going to be bad news for them
We need to find out what drug we took so we can take it everyday from here on out
I danced shirtless on a platform with a fucking stripper who went to MIT
Randomize
