I am not hooking up with him just to see what his penis looks like.
It was like my butthole was peeing. Felt comforting yet not fulfilling.
I tried to throw up out of my window but I forgot there was a mesh screen.
I still can't believe I found a dildo in my ceiling today.
Do you think my bosses would frown upon Jameson with breakfast on this holiest of days?
I found a sock full of anal beads in my dryer. At least she washes them.
Just woke up bloody and clutching a rear view mirror I'm pretty sure is from my car. For those of you keeping score at home this is why I stopped drinking four loko.
I'm thinking he has to buy me dinner at least twice before i even start considering casting him for "Fuck buddy - understudy."
He got thrown out for leaning over the bar topless and pouring himself some beer while singing the james bond song
Last night he ate BBQ Pringles out of my boobs...I feel like it was moderately productive
Banana suit guy has an entourage and they're all douchebags. There is no god.
Don't trim your pubes if you've been drinking. I can't believe I have to tell you more than once.
Would I do it again? Probably not but still,I don't regret a single ratchet thing I've done in college.
Sometimes I wish I could tell all my past/present hookups what the nicknames that my friends and I have assigned them.
I'm not sure what happened. There's a frozen waffle in the floor and he's walking around with a curtain rod and making planes out of bread slices...
Randomize
