I just saw the girl you left with - Chris Hansen's looking for you
i think the next time he gets me off i'm going to scream bangarang
ru fi oooo
I mean she's dancing like an epileptic patato and i'd like to slap her
Dude, you were so drunk last night that when we went into subway, you forgot the word for bread.
So, apparently I made everyone omelets last night. Even when I'm drunk, I'm still a trophy wife.
He wanted a handjob during a John Wayne movie. I just couldn't find it in my heart to disrespect that man. John Wayne that is.
She set an alarm on my phone for her birthday. Place: Her bed.
She whispered into my eat that she wanted me to fuck her while her parrot watched...
Next time, showing us his dick should be his entry fee into your house.
i just peed with my friends in your backyard... do you still live here
He's drinking 50/50 vodka/water out of a camelback. Disaster would be a compliment at this point.
You would be my first round pick for a drinking team
I'm super stoned watching the vatican smoke cam. Come over.
I will buy you batman underwear babe. I'll make sure you wear them every time we have to adult.
We just fucked in the park on a bench and a guy with a dog walked past us and the dog walked right up to us while the guy stared at his phone.
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