fuck the hobbit
what about unicorns?
fuck those pointy horses
so then you were screaming "GIVE ME KELVINS!" and heating things up in the microwave and no one knew what you wanted
hah yeah. there was a kid puking in the bathroom and this idiot brings in a potted plant and was like "yeah he's like, not getting enough oxygen"
He started making shapes and faces with his cock and balls.... apparently if you wrap the shaft with your balls and turn it 90 degrees to the left it looks like a hamburger
Just woke up next to our cab driver from last night. Please tell me this isn't happening.
Come down here. We are watching people walk through the paper we taped in front of the elevator.
Admittedly shitfaced... I have two questions. 1)why is the fan in my bathroom on? (Sub-text: is there a ghost?). 2) is your underwear really argyle?
There is a chick wearing some guy's shirt wrapped around her waist as a skirt... She's flashing her panties to everyone as she sings karaoke. You need to get here.
Well, I'm hung over and my penis hurts - two signs of success
I did not know male screamers existed until now. Good for him. Good for my ego.
I think I'm still high. And I definitely still smell like lobster, so there's that
It's technically 2016 but since I haven't gone to bed I'm still counting it as 2015, so I'm gonna drink all the alcohol in my house so tomorrow I can become the better version of myself that I'll be for 5 minutes.
Who wants to play the "pick up your shit from our floor because you're not paying rent or dating either of us" game?
I came home in someone else's underwear this morning
Atleast you got a souvenir
I did a line off of, and then danced on top of a table older than this country.
Harvard is great.
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