It really wasn't that bad. Well, it was pretty bad, but only in 3 second bursts.
I could write a book called "things that come out of my vagina"
I told him I was prego. He asked coul we do it without a condom now since I cldn't get any pregnanter. What an a-hole.
Nothing kills the mood more than a jesus song.
Thanks for holding onto me so I didn't fall in my pee in that parking lot. You're the best boyfriend ever.
Just spent the last of my lifesavings on (what i hope is enough of) alcohol. Hello summer.
look what he's done to me, i actually want to be a stripper now.
Apparently the last thing they remember of me was me stumbing into a bathroom, then falling out 5 minutes later clutching a butter knife repeating "ketamine goes in my face hole"
In complete seriousness I think I am the highest person on earth
i refuse to hook up with a girl that looks like drew carey.
Got laid last night using the intro line of "rate your hurricane evacuation plan on a scale of 1-10"
He stopped me mid blowjob and asked me to take off my hat. He said it made him feel like Neil Young was going down on him.
I had a rough night. I'm just gonna lay here and masturbate for a while before I have to go adult.
I found your birth control, it was in your Crown Royal bag.
will you help me invent vagina-safe pop rocks?
Randomize
