1:32a: I quit. signing up for eharmony. Don't judge
tell her no need for introductions. and that you've read about her on the back of toilet doors.
Wow way to turn my death into an oppurtunity to get laid
How's your threesome situation going?
Optimistic
also, the amount of semen in my carpet right now is unforgivable...
she hacked my macbook and downloaded an illegal version of the original pokemon red, completely nude in my computer chair. there were several levels of hornyness existing all at once
If I remember correctly I tried to steal a mail truck last night
Worse. He's Mormon. At least a gay guy will go get drinks with me.
Found sauce from last night's pizza rolls wedged under my phone case... While sitting in my 8 am class. What happened last night?
I just paid a hobo to give me his Santa hat so I can take Christmas nudes. Will send them later, they're fire.
How do you explain to your mom that you let your friend stab you in the leg while drunk and high on coke?
He just ate a tooth whitening strip...
The bar brought brought it upon themselves, they played billy joels piano man before closing, it's not our fault the bar isn't a bar anymore, right?
At 10 PM you were shit faced in the kitchen makin nachos... Naked. I wasn't sure what to do besides walk away...
Just sold my panties for 40 bucks to some rando dude at the gay bar. I think I found a way to fund next years spring break trip. Hello cancun!
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