I wish I could be a nicer person. Or a more sober one.
Lesson learned: don't hide your vodka in your little brothers toy box.
You're the only chick there. That's not an orgy, that's called a gang bang...
The only thing I have to prove last night happened is a fireman's hat full of puke.
woke up at my desk with a paper in front of me that says "people stranded on islands love having wet dreams" what the fuck happened last night
Our brains have an emergency blowjob override switch. You saw proof tonight.
We tried to line dance with everyone but it turned into drunken stumbling and attempting to grind on random frat boys. I feel that this might turn into an every Thursday thing.
Had sex with the Irish bartender in Spain. So that happened.
She throws back shots like they are NO-THING. I swear, she goes through like five straight tequila shots, does a jello shot, chases with half a hot dog, has a rum and coke, and then takes her shirt off and makes an impromptu bandage out of it for fuckin' Tim who cut himself on the flagpole. I'm going to marry her.
I tried to suck your dick underwater and almost drowned
On another note, I almost lost one side of my fake butt. Dancing the wobble with the fake butt isn't recommend.
For the record you're a very classy lady and your love for and mastery of strap-ons is amazing. I would gladly marry you and father your offspring
I mean, you've had my nipples in your mouth now, so I think we've reached a certain level of friendship.
Steven and I talked about running for office again today. It's fucked that my 3 dream jobs are marijuana bakery owner, bar owner, and president.
I wanted to make my beer stronger so I poured vodka in it. Why god....why
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