people would bow to what i just did to her vagina
Yay Minnesota! I can't believe there's now a US Senator who has taken more acid than we have
In retrospect, it was a terrible idea, going down on her with these ulcers in my mouth.
please stop telling ppl youre Alice Cullen when youre drunk
you didnt remember my name all night. you kept referring to me as "the blonde with the fat ass"
just stole 2 cases of forties from some freshman in the woods by pretending to be a cop. that ten dollar spotlight is really turning a profit
I need someone to meet me at the end of the road and throw captain morgan at my face like they do with water at marathons
After it was shut down sean literally made out with four separate girls between the 100 feet to our house. It was a rampage.
Yep. It's going to be us, strippers, and drag queens.
A glittery, gay, heavily makeuped, scantily dressed clusterfuck.
I think if wine wasn't a thing I'd give up on life.
doing squats while I brush my teeth.. gotta keep the booty in check
Well you busted in the house and yelled with pride about Uber giving you a ride over with your new bong.
He fucked me over, so I'm going to do what any rational woman does. I'm going to get really high and have sex with his brother.
listen i get youre a daddy dom but that doesnt give you a pass to make dad jokes
Probably going to live on vodka sodas and fireball shots
Randomize
