The girl I was getting head from just called my dick an anteater...I hate my parents for not cutting my cock tip off.
I wont be hard to find. Im wearing a darth vader mask and I have a megaphone.
Why do I feel like I'm not the only one drinking to make my night class teacher look better?
going to class with no bra.. is that saying "i don't give a fuck i'm one hour away from thanksgiving break?"
If Megan asks I spilled my water water all over her. I pissed on your roommate. You're welcome. I expect you to keep that on the down low. Seriously tell her the water thing
Just made macaroni burritos. Fukkin awesome. We'll have to try this when I'm sober.,!
Idk I somehow continue to get laid by pulling my dick out and reciting the 3 world country orphan kid commercials
michael burned off one of his eyebrows making a pizza so he had to shave off the other one to make it look even. it doesn't look right, but I'd still bang him.
I was so high the sounds of a cricket drove me out of my home at 4am.... Boo that fucking cricket
for some reason leaving your socks onmakes it less meaningful.
Woke up with two different pairs of pants in the pockets of a jacket.None of the above are mine.
336: Dude I lost my.phone Wednesday night at a party and just found it, three days later, on the lacrosse field....what the actual fuck.
you ate an entire watermelon by using a CD as a spoon, then proceeded to chuck the leftovers at some dudes car...
can you take a pic of your glorious tits but not send it just yet? I need motivation to finish this bull shit presentation.
The air tonight was full of shame when we saw each other.
Well if u wouldn't have had sex on the front porch last night I think that could have been avoided.
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