wrigley field is MILF paradise
The cab driver referred to me as his little gumdrop, im sure he won't feel the same when he sees the vomit all over his floor.
So...i'm having a drinking contest, my right hand vs my left, i have a feeling the 24 pack is gonna win
She used to be a real nice person. Now she's just a dick sucking machine
I have to date her. We need a place to stay when we go tailgating.
I respect the size of her balls.
Yeah but I don't respect the size of her anything else.
There's nothing worse than carrying your fairy crown and wings home wearing fishnets
Know your penis has been the topic of conversation over glasses of wine.
woke up to a case of keystone on my porch when I went to bed at seven that morning.. I think it's someone's peace offering for getting my roommates car towed
Don't wake me up to tell me to cook for you because you don't like taco meat.
He compared my blow job skills to finding gold treasure in a gold chest, so there's that.
I think everyone at the office can tell I'm dehydrated
you mean still drunk
I've heard it both ways
Ill try not let guys feel my boobs for free drinks next time, no promises tho. I am my boyfriends worst nightmare.
He let me share his family pack of hot pockets with him. Chivalry isn't dead after all.
Last night was a bad idea. I'm hungover and the contents of my purse smell like Korean BBQ.
Randomize