If it were my dying wish, would you come over 2nite 2 save me?:):):) wana come anyways?
tonights recap: old cokehead freind proposed in the middle of a country bar to his trash girlfriend, saw ex-fuck who now has star shaved into his head and another with his gf, and ex-bfs best friends crackin jokes about who would fuck me first. NEVER COMING HOME AGAIN
Its your turn to fuck our RA next time she threatens us with an underage.
Couple in the hotel room next to me keep fucking. When I hear her get close I call the room wait for them to stop and hang up. If I'm not getting any tonight then no one should.
Are my feet made of real feet?
I heard about the break up and if you need a place to stay my vagina is open for you 24/7
She peed in the limo. She stood up and pulled up her dress and peed on the floor of the limo.
I found someone's tooth on the stairs when I was vacuuming, and my sister found a catheter in the men's bathroom... this cleaning job is dangerous
We have six bottles of wine and we are at target buying baby oil to grease up the sleds with, just in case you're interested.
He just kept repeating "not with an octopus" over and over for hours. Soooooo Porn Dare was a succes.
No, it wasn't really a sexy 'I'm going to go masturbate.' It was an 'I'm going to go masturbate' that implied I was going to drink a tall boy of Mikes and cry while I looked at lesbian porn.
she has that "i will punish you like your mom did" vibe, i think guys like that.
...and if you can get the necessary ingredients to make the Buffalo Chicken Melt, I will latch forever at your Teat of Justice.
I said I hate kids.This dude said he will sell his children to go on a date with me.
Only you would offer whiskey to a man in liver failure.
Randomize
