Ha. Yes. I'm at a strip club. I'm the barack obama of strip clubs
Seriously, I would hit on barney the dinosaur right now if it meant I was going to get laid.
im sober playing flip cup. its like cheating.
The crazy thing is, I dont actually know where the cat is, she said something bout the back of the toilet and a sock.
he just found out the funeral is this morning so i'm wearing last night's clothes and look like a total slut.
His friends call him "Gasm".... Im going for it.
It doesn't matter if he doesn't speak English because I speak the international language of blowies.
Its like a relationship where they cockblock each other.
I just bought the ATT family protection plan so that I could block all of my old bar hookups from booty calling me...
I threw up a lot of peanut butter last night.
I wanna snuggle with you as we feed each other chipotle burrito bowls and that's just where I'm at right now
Drink. Fuck. Waffle House. Repeat.
No one wants to start their day off with bloody lemons and a tampon in the toilet. Wtf.
I would really like it if you guys got out of my bush
why is half of my head shaved?
Randomize
