I may or may not be laying in bed naked watching The Nanny. Niles is so spunky.
He keeps apologizing for not being able to get hard when he's drunk. We havent even left the club yet.
My new sobriety test is "how many times do I have to attempt to put toothpaste on my brush"... It takes a while.
His texts read Like a 15 year olds diary.
bringing a ziploc bag full of Jim Beam to the movies may not have been the best idea.
You opened a bottle of wine with a shoe and a wall last night.
I walked in and you were laying on the floor bleeding everywhere half asleep half crying and moe was at the kitchen table eating frozen pizza refusing to acknowledge you. What a sight.
Hey. Hey you. Just wanted to let you know that I'm adorable. FUCKING ADORABLE. That is all. This update brought to you by our proud sponsor bud light.
I. Put. Them. Back. We are NOT making a habit of jail visits.
They're letting me in by good graces, I can't show up with a fist full of dildos
So far my survey results are telling me to pawn the ring. Thoughts?
He finished and he wasn't even totally hard. He actually came without a boner.
HOW IS THAT EVEN POSSIBLE.
where the fuck are you? she just tazed two people and we're tripping shrooms...successful first night in new apartment!
He gave me an ambien and I woke up with a raw chicken bone in my purse. I have no idea why but I hope I put it in his butt
I swear I only fuck him for the huge bottle of smart water he gives me afterwards.
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