My mouth tastes like defeat. Did he at least have money?
i want you now
you need to stop dating girls with the same name as your mother...or stop drinking so much...I don't want to see this
I'm afraid that if I tell my sister I think Zachary Quinto is gay I'll have to put her on suicide watch for the next week or so
I didn't say she couldn't, I said you shouldn't.
that last vodka shot was definitely the straw that broke the camels alcohol tolerance level
It has to be really easy to get midgets drunk.
Just saw a woman walking a golden retriever and a vacuum down the road. I miss downtown.
So... on the count of three, we are going to forget last night ever happened... 1...2...3
Sometimes I send them texts like "I want to make you cry and lick up your tears" just to fuck with them. And THAT is how you get rid of a Stage 5 clinger.
Porn. Physics. Porn. Icecream. Porn. That's my life now.
I just conducted a skype meeting drunk and in the middle of a cornfield. I don't even think they noticed.
Roommate is hosting a 'sorority retreat' at our house. If you need to get laid, stumble on over.
Whatever. I'll take my new fine ass dick sucking nails elsewhere.
Her new crush is a 6'2" guacamole baron that may also be a Jedi.
IM ON THE WEIRD DRUGS AND I JUST SAW THAT TOM HARDY THING NOW I WANT TO HUMP
Randomize
