I just watched a guy get turned down by a prostitute
he told us the story of how he fought ketchup, mustard, and thomas the train engine all in one night. if that doesn't sound like an acid trip i dont know what does.
and i forgot to tell you that my armpit hair is now completely grown back. man i love winter.
my new years resolutions dont apply when im drunk
is it bad that upon arriving to my fourth sex toy party the sex toy lady instantly recognizes me?
I don't know if it's the amount i drank last night or the number of taylor swift statuses on facebook but i feel like puking everywhere
At least drunk me was smart enough to stash toilet paper in my bag before I started my walk home. Finally countless squat pees and wiping with grass taught me to be prepared.
It took me 6months to figure out that he only had one testicle.
friends don't put videos of other friends on youtube puking on their professor on the first day
U know that drunk state, where at 930 the next morning your sitting in a bath in ur bathing suit trying to sober up...yeah. That's where i am..
We watched Jurassic Park and they made me drink every time they saw or named a dinosaur. Do you know how many dinosaurs live in Jurassic Park? Lots.
That's a good 5 hours of "I have no fucking idea what I did".
He was going down on me and all I could think about was how proud of me you'd be
Oh dear God, they have a song about Mom...
There's a big difference between a penis and a toilet.
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