he keeps commenting everything on my facebook. it's like he's virtually peeing on me
I shaved my legs finally. I am starting to remember what my skin feels like.
u were so high that u chewed on candle wax for an hour
He gave her the shocker .. I didn't know people really did that.
Todays life lesson brought to you by last nights half pitchers of cheap sangria: you'll never get the stain or the SMELL of sangria vomit out of your bedroom carpet.
I have now added draft and wells specials that different bars have to my blackberry calendar.. Help me.
I dont even care how hung over I am, and how shitty this bus ride will be. That was the best sex of my life and it's a beautiful morning.
I dont care how high you are "yes" is not the correct response to "what do you want from Taco Bell" Mom.
I've decided to dedicate my life to finding out which flavor of Gatorade tastes best after you brush your teeth
It was like giving head to a cactus.
Do you think dominoes pizza would deliver faster if I told them I just had shower sex and that always makes me hungry?
I ran into cvs barefoot with my belt undone and shirt buttoned wrong and didn't even have to ask. The guy working pointed and said "they're back there."
That's how I look going for the pbr.
i may or may not have triedto pee like a boy and then dipped cheese ino the olive oil
Also apparently I made a "cake sandwich"--yeah smashed a massive piece of cake between two slices of bread....fucking tequila
Well this guy just went into a detailed lecture about how rinos are developing into unicorns.. It's gonna be a good night.
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