sorry about last night, I don't know what happened but I woke up this morning and looked strikingly similar to courtney love, it had to be bad.
Last night I ate the rest of the salsa with my hands. And i DONT have a hangover? Glorious.
I just saw a girl walk by me wearing a "kiss me I'm pro choice" shirt. Is that a signal for easy access?
I may also break bread with strippers. Because it is passover.
Pretty sure I just had sex with the black kid who grew up in a car from "angels in the outfield"
How come I never meet celebrities?
WHY ARE YOU SMOKING WEED WHEN YOU JUST HAD A STROKE. AND MORE IMPORTANTLY WHY ARE YOU DOING IT WITHOUT ME.
I say go for the trifecta and maybe you'll get a medal or something. Or a baby. That's like the same thing right?
I'm going to empty my bank account and roll around in the cash. Want to join?
I told him he deserved someone better...then I told him he looked very fuck-able wearing nothing but sweat pants. We'll break up in the morning.
Thanks for fucking me in last night
TUCKING. TUCKING ME IN LAST NIGHT
He looked at me and just said "moist". The entire party shut down from uncomfortableness. He is an anti-party wizard.
I asked to see his balls for medical purposes.
My diet has been 80% Fun Dip this week, soooo, no. Not good.
lesbians are really intense tho, she made me take her eye makeup off and told me she was going to eat me for breakfast
I know it's New Year's Eve but if you're going to have a bunch of chicks playing strip go fish in our apartment I need a heads up.
Randomize
