I'm not conventionally pretty...I'm just crazy
Just got physical proof that at 6 am i was running around with raw potatoes threatening to mash them on his floor. Hello, Mobile uploads
i swear, about 40% of my drunken life is spent having sex with him.
this is not the first time I've had hot dogs and 151 for thanksgiving.
We just set the fire alarm off with a fog machine. What's my first instinct? Finish my drink. I think I handled that correctly.
She said I told her "I'm to drunk to take your bra off." then she said I walked out completely naked to go watch tv.
So you met him?
More like I walked in on him, drunk, naked, and doing "bathtub yoga". Please stop bringing your dates home.
Why does my jaw hurt?
I may have punched you.
The pool of urine in the trash can signifies both a regretful yet successful night.
BTW car sex works all the muscle groups. Just sayin. Legs/butt are sore as are arms, back and core.
I took out the emergency phone in the elevator and replaced it with a bottle of vodka. The game is simple, do a shot for the number of the floor you're going to. Best suggestion box tip ever.
I seriously doubt this is the first time pumpkin pie has led to a booty call.
The guy I'm talking to drunk texted me his essay last night and he asked me to revise it
now acid just makes me think of crab ragoon
I woke up naked next to my hot manager. Left before she woke up, and worked an entire shift with her. She has no idea.
Randomize
