Did your girl go home? Did she have fun? Can we have our friend back?
All I'm saying, is that being compared to a Muppet is not the end of the world.
My goal for the party is to get everyone in a diaper. Reasonable?
We walked into the bar in The Flying V formation from The Mighty Ducks. We were ready.
i just ate two sandwiches and am debating booty calling my landlord
Did you ask last night's taxi driver about his penis hygiene?
just used clorox wipes to give myself a whores bath. hello finals week
At least my fat-chick-ratio has not been that bad this semester ...
This inappropriate post strip club text brought to you by Cheetah of Palm Beach and vodka. Blowjob in the champagne room and the clap for the low low price of your paycheck.
All of the sudden your world had become nothing but the sum of visible dicks. Welcome to life.
Just did a "spirit of homecoming" bump off a stranger's credit card. A stranger that dropped us off at home. Erica's bad. How do allllll of the Eastern Europeans know how to find drugs so easily?!?
At least I had a $10 coupon for Plan B today. Smart shopping for bad decisions
PICK ME UP NOW I THINK THIS MOTEL IS A CRIME SCENE. also congrats on your engagement i saw the post on my phone while i was climbing out the window
I almost forgot to feel shameful, if that answers your question.
Mom saw my dick pic over my gf's shoulder. She told her she really should've had me circumcised.
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