he kept farting in my kitchen and blaming it on the dog. then we went to wendy's and he spent twenty minutes in the bathroom. im pretty sure he shit his pants.
you should have known when you found out he drove a mini cooper not to hang out with him.
I just peed on my pajamas. Its gonna be a long night. Don't forget the cookies.
I wouldnt consider it a good Wednesday if there wasn't any projectile vomit involved
We had to leave the bar because you were trying to show the bartender your boobs for water.
As he was under the stripper backwards, he yelled "we should totally be facebook friends"
I just realized that there are baby oil soaked hand prints on the wall over my bed. Last night was a good night.
Just paid off my possession ticket on 4/20. Helloooo awesome.
Right now, millions of people are waking up to get ready for work, start their day, and be productive members of society. I just found a 40 stashed in my fridge. I'm getting daybreak drunk. Zero fucks are given.
Isn't being unemployed beautiful sometimes?
Dry heaving on campus is my new low. Also, go pats
Meh, all I have to do tomorrow is proctor an AP test. No loud noises and no physical activity allowed for almost 4 hours. Sounds like the perfect recovery period for a hangover.
I opened my eyes to the dog snorting coke, I decided it was best to just close my eyes and forget what I saw
they gave me money. the money smells like weed. also they gave me weed
I can't wait to see you & have espresso-fueled sex
If it makes you feel any better I almost got kicked out of the bar for yelling "enjoy your celebratory incest"
I love you.
Consume your own penis you ugly freak.
Randomize