Bel-fucking-mar, this place has more popped collars than a Hollister catalog
ed mcmahon, farrah fawcett, and michael jackson all in one week. What next god, are you juts gonna take my penis too?
We all know the best way to start a relationship is greeting while at least one of you are intoxicated, dual facebook stalking, and a two week long game of 20 questions via texts to 'really' get to know each other. In that order.
I wouldn't have it any other way. It's like a fairy tale!
I have 250 contacts there has to be someone sober to take me to taco bell
Is it physically possible to shit out my own bone marrow? Because if not, then I need to see a doctor immediately.
lesson learned: don't narrate out loud about how a girl is giving you head while she's doing it
I already apologized. And I got cum in my eye in return, I say your night beats mine...
It feels like New Years Day all over again...me trying desperately not to throw up in the backseat & mom and dad blissfully unaware in the front
The 78 year old woman who works next to me divorced her ex husband, remarried her first husband, and retired all in one day. I'd say it makes your breakup on Valentine's day pretty insignificant.
I have a third degree burn on my inner thigh from the blunt dropping on me in the car
Baruch atah adonai DAT ASS DOE
How did I get the fat lip, while puking I may or may not have sneezed... Wacking my face into the toilet bowl...
Let go out that Thursday night!
Yess sounds good, I have to go turn myself in the next day because what happened last Friday.
So... I sharted on the plane. It was hard to maintain my composure and acted offended at the same time. I hate you for not cutting me off last night.
Just got my second shot
Baller. We’re going to be knee deep in strippers and coke in 10 days
Randomize