he just asked if i would like him to change his diet so his jizz tastes better. keeper? i think so.
Let me rephrase. Would it display my intentions too much if i walked all the way across my office and into the bathroom carrying my book
I just hemmed my dress for halloween, never felt more like a man
There is a distinct lack of front teeth here.
She passed out in the backyard, making "face down" snow angels ... so they could have a smile.
Ya well my good-girl image was pretty much blown when he found out I'm going to jail soon.
There was enough sluts here for 2 threesomes to happen at the same time, and you still struck out. What did you do to piss off karma so much?
As we were about to go at it, his roommates barged in singing jumper by third eye blind. Weirdest almost one night stand ever.
She called to say her plane was running late and i had 30minutes to get to the airport for bathroom sex
" my drug dealer just stopped by and did an elmo impression for my 2 year old nephew."
Fyi - we're going to be eating those sandwiches in bed when you get home.
Pretty sure we're going to get a cease & desist notice from the Make A Wish Foundation, but until then...
Remember that guy I fucked last month? Well I'm watching his dog this weekend while he's in the Bahamas with his girlfriend. What is my life
WHAT THE FUCK I JUST PULLED TWO TAMPONS OUT OF MY VAGINA. WHERE DID THE OTHER ONE COME FROM??
....surprise!
Do you remember standing up at 3 in the morning and asking me if I was counting to six?
Randomize
