Omg. Budweiser tramp-stamp sighting @ Wal-mart. Best tattoo EVAR.
Tonight i am praying for god to turn my pussy into apple pie because i cant count the number of times bruce chooses food over sex.
It's official. Every guy I've slept with has been to jail.
I'd like to say he was whispering sweet nothings into my ear all night but really he was just whispering "pussyyy"
There were 4 naked women demanding my presence. Of COURSE I got into the pool.
He yelled out my full name in bed...I felt like I was being scolded.
Logically he should not be walking around...after that fall he should be in a hospital in a medically induced coma
It's a toss up. They'll either laugh and watch you drunkenly fuck on the beach or they'll throw you deep in Mexican jail.
Stoned, and eating Doritos, and reading about lesbians for class. This is the life.
My eczema on my back is flaring up so he rubbed coconut oil on it while we were boning down. If that's not a picture of 8 years married I dunno what is.
Meh, all I have to do tomorrow is proctor an AP test. No loud noises and no physical activity allowed for almost 4 hours. Sounds like the perfect recovery period for a hangover.
Please don't explain what tea bagging is to my mother.
Buying a new bed right now. My options are limited because I need to be able to be tied to it.
I'm not complaining, but why is it that every time I hang out with you I come home with random injuries and random girls?
Between his smile and monumental dick even the virgin mary woulda blown that man and I am far from the virgin. I didn't stand a chance.
Randomize
