you're like the ceasar milan of boners... you understand them on a different level.
You know its bad when you're praying for a hangover just so you aren't still drunk at work anymore.
alright got my week's quota of sex in, ready for modern warfare 2
i woke up and my collection of plastic neon wayfarers were half-melted in the microwave. my drunk self hates my hipster self
Missing a small section of hand. Hope your night is going better
I know I should be focused on nurturing their bright little minds but it's 10 a.m. and I need a cock in my mouth
You told my mom you were going to "Raw Dawg some randoms." That Drunk.
And I also succeeded in getting kicked out of a bar when I was drinking straight from the vodka bottle at our table.
As we were passing the joint around, people were dunking Jenga pieces in Vaseline and sticking them to the window. I also smoked weed with a girl that was in an above the influence commercial.
So I'm guessing that puking on a camper is a straight path to instant termination?
Look, as flattering as it is, I'm getting a little tired of being everyone's go-to girl for a threesome.
IF THE GUY WHO I AM BORROWING OUR CAR FROM FINDS ONE CONDOM OR JIZZ STAIN IN THIS CAR HE IS GOING TO CASTRATE MY ASS. SERIOUSLY, DON'T FUCK IN THE CAR.
I think putting on real pants was half my issue with today
All I remember is that I was trying to call my wolf pack by howling.
I have only been here for a week and might contributed to a dumpster fire on accident.
Randomize
