Just saw two guys having a lawn mower race, and their girlfriends cheering them on. Get me out of Tehachapi,
i wonder if she gts uncomfortable walkin bu when she knows we all know what her pussy tastes like
i opened her purse and found 4 bottles of vodka tampons and an unopened box of birth control...
Woke up in an unfamiliar basement in a sleeping bag with Matt to a police officer shining his flashlight in my eyes and asking me my birth date and social security number. My morning went swimmingly.
Dude manswers just said that a guy can only cum up to eight times in one day. I'm gonna prove that show wrong.
ha well at least you have goals.
The difference between what I would do for a regular Klondike bar and an Oreo flavored Klondike bar is astounding
My walk of shame got a new perspective when I walked into his livingroom and found his roommate fucking some chick on the coffee table.
It's been two weeks and I still have carpet burns on my knees. Well done.
had my ear almost bitten off in foreplay. the sex gods do not like me.
just got in my apt...and theres jungle juice here i left from over a month ago..this could be interesting...or deadly
thank god we only have to drink eggnog and rum once a year. It taste like shit.
I invited you and you fucked me in the face with the penis of disappointment and shit.
Like he held up the condom afterwards, twirled it with his finger, and said "look at that load"
The UTI came back with a vengeance.
I just left a 3 minute voicemail to the guy I want to fuck baby talking my cats and I don't know if I can delete it 😐
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