Ive never seen someone more dtf than a soaking wet drunk girl who stumbles into your backyard.
It didn't go so well. He got drunk and asked my dad if 'front or back' virginity mattered more.
I'm gonna laugh so hard when we're both married with families
That statement alone makes me laugh so hard.
You had me at "you have a nicer rack then her"
You seriously looked at the house acorss the street and implied that you thought they had nice Easters.
the party we were at had security guards carrying paintball guns. that probably should have been the first sign
His fucking was so lame I considered painting my nails during...
One my way home. There was too much fog, strobe lights, and cocaine for my taste.
Three Architectural classes: $990.00 Architectural supplies: $300.00 Changing majors and using my architectural supplies to roll blunts: Priceless
Should have know they were on something when he started filling a Togo container with fruit
we left when one of the guys tried to stick himself with an IV that he found
Dude you spoke to a girl about CRICKET. She MUST want sex
How are you supposed to wish the guy you send nudes to good luck for the first day of his new job??
If you binge watch Bill Nye Saves the World without me you can consider yourself single
Just woke up with the taste of tequila, weed, and cigarettes in my mouth spooning a friend I haven't seen since college wearing one contact and one ankle sock. I hate myself.
Randomize
