I wish costco sold astroglide.
i wish my brain was less awake, and didn't try and picture what you were talking about.
another part of my inner child died when i emptied my crayon bank for dollar beer night.
Those people having sex on the beach kept looking over at you guys throwing his shoes at the seagulls.
The birthday girl is bringing her own barf bucket, it is going to be a good weekend.
There comes a time where you just have to sit back and watch the drunken idiots pee on each other
It was one of those you-have-no-other-way-home-and-we-already-made-out-so-I-guess-youre-coming-home-with-me-if-you-promise-to-leave-early kind of deals.
I just took a dump to end all dumps. Other dumps have already written ballads about it. It was the Armageddon dump. Bruce Willis was there, it was awful.
No. I'm too high for this. I gotta focus my mind for my future Hooter's interview
I Can't even believe I threw all my pizza rolls at her, I mean not only did i ruin a good meal but now I dont have anymore
I have a hunch Mama J got around.
Am I allowed to say that about my own mom?
Saw a dude last night at a strip club's bar eating canned pineapple and giving tootsie pops to the girls...
he yelled at me like a drill sergeant while I quickly tried to take off my pants
PS: bike ride of shame at 7am includes riding by kids waiting for the school bus #classy
we're tipping the strippers with chocolate coins.
Got any extra dick over there? I’m running low
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