My wife says its no good to have oral sex during pregnancy. So i guess pregnancy is like regular life.
you would pick up someone in the library
you went up to their shower, tripped in it, accidentally turned it on and then claimed that you like to "test everyone's showers"
Two things. 1 - I want to apologize for my drunkeness last night. 2 - I want to pre-apologize for my anticipated drunkeness tonight.
Sorry about blasting sandstorm on a loop when i left for work this morning. But maybe this will teach you to not come home trashed on a tuesday night with some chick and have loud sex till 4 in the morning. The walls are thin, remember?
oh, you know. just sitting in my bed high as fuck wearing a windbreaker and watching british tv.
I can't break up with him, I ran the math. Taking into account his 7 inch penis and the standard deviation from average, almost 90% of guys should have a smaller penis than he does.
Really? Penis math? This is why guys shouldn't date female engineers.
Seriously though a big penis is like a puppy dog, or a sunny day or some other glorious thing
You are such a penis elitist
Sober now. I'm really glad I didn't try to make out with that guy who has a pregnant fiance
After he finished he sang his college fight song like it was some victory
That edible kicked in right as I was upside-down on that rollercoaster. Fucking.mind.blown.
My neck is PURPLE. This is NOT a good day to be indoctrinated by the cardinal...
Also, apparently I'm only coherent when I'm drunk sexting. And then I'm grammatically perfect and impressively eloquent.
My boss is explaining why he thinks time goes by faster and faster. Bc of the rockets. No lie.
Noooo no no no no. She scares me. She means business. She wore a diaper when we went to the bar.
Randomize
