Anal astronaut?
Wow word travels fast.
is it true guys wash their penises in the sink if they think they're getting laid at a bar?
it's more of a rinse.
He dyes his hair, fake tans and lies constantly. What did you really expect from him?
A better fuck for starters.
my mom just informed me that i masturbate loudly
I'm at a Rock of Love themed party. New high? New low? I can't tell.
Wait. Scratch that. It's not themed. These girls are just sluts.
What did you want me to do? You know I don't like fat people. I'm an asshole to them sober it only gets worse when I'm drunk
That doesn't make it okay! You tried kicking the girl's mom out where we were having the party at!
So I'm pretty sure I fucked the dept of homeland security guy on my kitchen table. No recollection of it, but there are signs.
We took up a collection and paid her $50 to eat a piece of meat. Vegetarian morals trumped once again by cash.
Also, did that cop draw hearts on everyone's hands last night?
On the bright side I still get a $20 referral bonus at the plasma center even though he passed out during donation because he was so high.
you know I love you but I need to see your friends tits
Fate is real! that hot chick, Megan just showed up dressed as jasmine and I'm dressed as Aladdin this is going to be cake
And then my hands went numb and no one believed me so I started putting peoples cigarettes out on them. Shitty idea i'll tell you that much
I knew it was going to be a good night when my mom said "Have fun, be safe...wait, do you need any weed for tonight?"
So I was laying on the couch reading a book and he texted me. All I saw was the image of him spitting on my vagina last night in the moonlight. I gagged.
Randomize
