I just saw a neon sign in a bar window that says, "open to Public" but the L is burnt out.
im too high. i could barely wash my hair, let alone handle a whole shower
you probably should not have drank the wine that everyone spits out. and the sad part, that was not even your low point last night
Just saw a huge group of people walk by in there in their underwear. Too stoned for this.
Bathtub guy came to. He helped me roll the fat chick away from the fridge. Shower and breakfast are on. You're plan failed!
And there was a legally blind kid in a ref costume doing surprisingly well at beer pong who was passing out business cards
If you're funny as hell and have a mustache, odds are I'm probably gonna fuck you
So....I just took a paddle fan on high speed to the side of the head while getting head...still finished the job, good thing I'm drunk and couldn't feel it.
Poor guy. Tried so hard to get out of the friend zone. I had to make out with someone in front of him to put him in his place.
I'll say this one last time. You are TWENTY FIVE YEARS OLD. You are not going to die alone and this is not the twilight of your life. Stop taking shrooms on your period!!!!
I took an uber home at 6am. Went to Santanas, apparently they don't take american express. So the uber driver bought my burrito. Success!
I was sitting here smiling wondering why i'm so fucking happy at work. cookie has kicked in
we should most definitely have a fire extinguisher in the apartment. like... for sure
Honestly after an incomprehensible political rant yoga seems like the best option at 2 am
He said I was so drunk and high that I had a conversation w/ his goldfish. The video shows me clearly conversing as if talking to a person w/ pauses in conversation and everything
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