just got waxed at a place I havent been to in a while
woman didnt remember me then in the middle of waxing she announced that she just didnt recognize my face
I think my hot accountant is wearing banana republic. I miss the days when that ='ed gay. Signals are so confusing now.
I am no longer a man. I just realized I prefer Spongebob to college football.
when we were having sex and i started crying and telling you i missed you..why couldnt you stop and tell me how you felt or make me feel better?you kept going...
It's officially time to start saving up weed money for the NCAA tournament
I miss your penis. I'm telling you this as a friend, like its just a really great penis. You should be proud of it.
This little shit keeps eating the playdoh so i replaced the green with wasabi from work. Wonder what his parents are gonna think when he burns his soft palette?
We took it as we must go to waffle house or else we will upset the gods.
you puked in the bathtub and said "let them pee"
She has the perfect pussy. Looks like a paper cut with a puff of cotton candy on top.
She looks like a beluga.
I want to splash her with water and when she screams say "I didn't want you to die. You looked parched"
She asked what it would take for you to fuck her. You drunkenly mumbled, "pepperoni pizza" and then got in the cab by yourself. You were smiling too. It was weird.
At leat we can cross off 'having sex in a classroom' on our bucket list.
NO ITS THAT IM A SEXUAL DEVIANT AND CANT FILTER MYSELF
I think I left my thong in your bed. Careful. It has the power to destroy the agitator on a washing machine
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