I fucked **** last night, don't tell mike
this is mike. we're done.
I'm going to go hang out on a giant wooden pirate ship for 5 days.
I think I have swimmer's ear. From his tongue.
you have to choose: penises or morals?
He came all over my face... then said "YOU HAVE BEEN ROBBED!"
What's this douchebags name?
Rob...
Remember when you picked me up from my walk of shame with a bike, I came out wearing a Ninja Turtle costume and you let me ride the pegs to thoroughly display the embarassment
All i know is we had 4 people on a tandum bike, and told the cops we couldnt stop because our momentum was so good.
He sent me a Microsoft outlook meeting request to blow him in the storage room at work. I had to accept.
Just doin' what I do best: sitting in a stall in the class building's bathroom, pondering life and exploring deep, dark corners of the internet before class.
I can smell the sangria seeping out of my pores
Totally thought something squeezed my boob. Then I remembered I was wearing a bra. Isn't weed great?
So I just watched a seagul attack my boss and steal his food in the parking lot. Today might not be a bad day lmfao.
We told the cop that we were playing soccer, in flip flops, and 2:30 in the morning. It was raining and i had board shorts on. He bought it, lets go get drunk
Maybe for you. You don't have to clean the melted butter off the stove. I LOST THE SPECIAL SEASONINGS.
It’s so white trash that I almost have to have it.
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