I told you I was good to drive
dumbass I drove... you sat in the passengers seat and steered with a paper plate
Just found out its our ciliated mucous membrane that traps the molly when we snort it. Biology does relate to life
I just spent the last 30 mins playing uplifting songs to my uterus, & there's no way I'm pregnant.
Only you could walk of shame to a childrens pirate themed birthday party
I bet George Washington got SERIOUS head back in his hay day.
Found a grenade pin. Still no Dave.
I can't figure out if I'm dying from all of the booze still in my system, or from the cement wall.
People were staring and acting all judgmental and offended... Like they've never seen anyone breastfeed in a liquor store.
I have feelings that need drinking.
Hi I haven't talked to you since you bought legal marijuana-are you still stoned?
You have talents. You got me laid two weekends in a row in two different cities.
The girl in line in front of me at the grocery store is buying wine, m&m minis, a toothbrush, and condoms. Is it inappropriate to high-five her?
For some reason she gave me a handjob. It was all very confusing
he's like the highest ranking tongue wizard i know.
I am certain that you would be a mere freckle on the behemoth of slutty that has taken place at this complex.
Randomize
