whats the proper etiquette for returning a closet door to a random girl you met and do not know her name?
Life is so much better when you know you're gonna get laid soon.
Well I woke up with spatula marks on my ass and burns on my hands.
He leaned in to kiss me and I dodged him but i fell on the floor. I guess I never got up cuz I woke up on the floor and he was in his bed
I'm not judging you... I'm judging our friendship
You fought the bouncer and lost, then challenged a hobo to a 40 chugging contest and lost. Sobriety is a good life choice.
I kindof just wanted to go downstairs and let his dad know how good his son was at sex
Just realized Ive had sex in or around each thing listed in Green Eggs and Ham besides the fox.
Fell asleep naked on the recliner spooning with my organic chemistry book. The fact that I made it through four years of college is proof that the education system is fucked.
Would you still love me if my nipple fell off?
Quote from doctor, "that is a VERY angry vagina".
I'm fucked.
Why did I wake up to a snap chat of myself drinking beer out of a blender?
I did all i could do but i woke up smelling like cigars and theres salsa all over my face
I have an aggressive hickey on my shoulder and it actually hurts.
Leaving Denver airport I just saw a group of young Republicans in matching green T-shirts that said "4/20 Baby!"
Randomize
