life is too short to starve
life is also too short to be fat
She washed lettuce and peppers in the shower and proceeded to make a salad
She said to bring taco sauce. Hoping that's a euphemism.
Received a verbal warning at work for "riding in a trash receptacle, violating professionalism & infection control."
I'll be listening to "I will always love you" and sobbing uncontrollably all night, care to join?
He would drink pee if it was in a beer can
Well I'm sleeping with two of them cause they have nice cars. And the third cause she has a big rack. I'm just really waiting for it all to blow up in my face so I can find a girl I'm actually interested in
Chicks, chicks everywhere, and not a drop to drink. Dude, when did real life lesbians get HOT?
Too much dab too little lung dying šµšµšµ
Update: tequila girl had her hand down groomsmen pants
Bad news man, we're gonna have to reschedule Golden Coral: The Musical
I don't know who the fuck this is, but right on man
I made it out of the house. Success.
It's not better out here. I'm at Target hyperventilating in the aisles.
After the 2nd person threw up, you told us that your 'mint shooters' were just shots of mint mouthwash
Leave it to my mom and I to turn the hearing into a drinking game.
I mean...if Marco gets pregnant, it is either the spawn of Satan or the second coming of Christ (neither of which I want in my life). So let's just hope that he doesn't grow a womb and that we don't have to consider either option.
Randomize
