Is it just me or do I always seem to have cum in my bellybutton?
It's like having an annoying little brother who wants to have sex with you
I did something last night that I shouldn't have, but I don't want to tell you because you'll probably just make it your fb status...
I see you've learned your lesson.
u girls! girls! girls! have fun please don't hook up w/ a roadie! Love, mom
You started an entire relationship based only on sex and emoticons.
well apparently i was just calling everyone cunts. then i awoke from my blackout to 3 very mad roommates who didn't bring a key out with them
Sometimes i like to think we arent living together next year and that im living with models that like to experiment but you ruin that fantasy time and time again
When you have to have Siri remind you that you're on your period cuz you're so drunk you keep forgetting about tampons it might be time to call it a night.
All I found in my purse this morning was 160 cigarettes and a fistful of confetti.
"Accidentally" bump into him after class.
I'm gonna "accidentally" put his dick in my mouth.
I walked in and saw her crying and singing to her dog
She was wearing American flag underwear. How could I NOT fuck her?
You're a true patriot.
I was very impressed with his ability to carry on a conversation with his friends sitting in the front seat with his hand in my pants, getting a hand job, stoned, with a cigarette in his mouth. I think he's a keeper.
What happened to you last night?
SO. MANY. SHOTS.
I called to inform you I may or may not be getting laid tonight ...
Randomize
