So someone put the baby mannequins in sex positions
I wish there was a lawn mower version of Roomba so I could just drink and cheer it on from the stoop.
I awoke this morning to a naked boyfriend flying a remote controlled shark around his apartment. This is my life.
There's somethin not right about having to take the batteries out of your 27 year old boyfriends gameboy to use in your vibrator
Yeah I said my new jacket was waterproof, not puke through your nose proof.
Instead of getting a taxi some gay black guy drove us home. He is trying to break into the taxi business
Way to promote small business.
I need to be drunk within 15 minutes of getting home tonight.
He's a psychology major, so instead of becoming a stripper, I'm just working out my daddy issues with him. And his cock. And spankings.
They're much more educational now btw. Don't judge.
I have a 8 minute video of a fish tank on my phone.
We need to stop going to pet stores high.
the amount of 23-year-old guys who have seen me naked is starting to get a little worrying
Gonna be late for work. Sex comes first. Priorities.
My makeup bag looks like it has lips and wants to sing to me... Too high?
I didn't even know his name until he texted me the next day and told me I should take a plan B pill. Thanks Danny.
Nah, i wasn't offended. Having a bridesmaid who you had had multiple threesomes with your future husband would be weird.
My ex gave me head because she said she didn't enough when we were dating... Best ex ever? I think yes.
Randomize
