arguing about whether his trip to england or my trip on acid was better
We don't have a ruler. Come downstairs and lay in the snow with a boner so we can see how much snow we've gotten. Put your 8 inches to a less shameful use.
He's like a perfect storm of amazing hair and horrible judgment.
You can't break up with me and ask me for a handjob on the same day. At least not in that order.
I wish you'd make everyone's lives easier and do him already. Then we can get rid of him.
He passed out naked in my bathroom, then took a shower, then passed out again and then took another shower. Last time I let my brother visit.
It feels like eating ice cream while riding a unicorn over a rainbow waterfall made of glitter.
That is possibly the gayest thing that was ever thought of by anyone anywhere.
WHY DIDN'T YOU INVITE ME TO RUN THROUGH TACO BELL'S SPRINKLERS AT 4AM?!
Although I'm glad you didn't let my climb in the sink, I really wish you would have let me pretend to be a duck in the shower for a little longer
I'm hungover laying in my moms bed watching Space Jam.. Adult Life..
just woke up and currently drinking copious amounts of eggnog straight from the carton to replenish the electrolytes lost last night
Dude, I woke up with wet dollar bills in my boxers where did you take me???
He may have been a dick but he DID give me his Netflix log in. Maybe some good did come of it.
Just try and act like you're sober
I can't I snorted an anti depressant and he's pouring me tequila shots
Longest 30 seconds of my life
10/10 so not recommended
Randomize