i fuckib htae you, you church bitch.
please don't call me when you're wasted. i don't feel like having any other future arguments at 3:18am about how to hang up your phone. you have a flip phone, you should know regardless of how fucked up you are.
he likes ron paul.... that's all i'm going to say....
I had a dream that I had 21 friend requests. it was the best day
Nights like last night are what makes cleaning up the vomit in the morning worth it
I'm so high I used the top vent on my dashboard to heat up a cheeseburger
dude, seriously he just sucked the milk out of the dogs breast and swallowed it... for $20, wtf....?
His facebook status was woke up with a whale ..... Captain AHAB IS BACK !!!!!
I would not be watching the debate if there wasn't drinking involved. Let's be honest.
Well I checked the bush outside his apartment building this morning, and he wasn't there... So I knew he was home.
Def just threw up beer then brushed my teeth with some randos toothpaste now back to drinkin beer
fucked a girl in the dry storage closet at work. knocked over a whole rack of tomato paste and pinto beans. and also i really hope my manager doesn't review this footage from the security camera
Got so high i fell asleep kyaking...for 2 hours.
You know you've hit a new slutty low when you're simultaneously sexting and having a tea party with a 4 year old
I got really worried when i woke up and there weren't any missed booty calls from him between 3 and 5 am. Apparently his gf is in town ...
Randomize
