i'm almost one hundred percent positive that i have a warrant out for my arrest in this city. i also don't give a fuck because im drinking TEQUILAAAA
She really thought E.D. was a sexually position.
Yes. Being a lesbian's wingman is a fun as it sounds
Would you like me to write a persuasive essay on how you should let me suck your dick?
They had an entire room dedicated to passed out people. It was like a dogpile of cross faded toddlers drooling on each other.
plan d- we get drunk, go see that Justin Bieber movie and freak out 13 year old girls.
I was pissed last night bc this girl didn't want to have sex but offered to reimburse me for the condoms. That just made me upset
Also, not pregnant! Way to go uterus! Good job on being a team player!
We're gonna go drive around campus and throw water balloons at all the drunk bitches wobbling around, wanna come?
how is telling me how long you drunkenly fucked someone supposed to make me miss you?
I vaguely remember seeing that couple making out in front of that store and i yelled "I ALSO LOVE THE ROCKY MOUNTAIN SOAP COMPANY!"
It's entirely possible that I'm fucking yet another gay guy
Like why am I even still facebook friends with a guy I let finger me at a concert?
Also this morning I remembered seeing the stripper he threw up on later in the night. She was clothed though.
I need like a billion tiny bottles of alcohol to put in the patron pinatas
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