Just found a hundred dollar bill on the ground. Hope you're looking to drink tonight
Just spent 3 hours on the Mcdonalds website. I don't know what to do with myself now that college is over.
I vaguely remember walking down the highstreet with a plate of K offering lines to passers buy. I sold a line to a taxi driver.
Just stop talking to douche bags. How do you manage to attract every asshole within a 100 mile radius?
If i could answer that i wouldn't be so afraid to move to a more populated area
this one kid was speed-mumbling about putting broccoli in the printer
Spotted: shirtless guy wearing cut-off hot shorts, 1 cowboy boot and a sombrero puking in a bush while his friend yelled 'stop being a bitch" from the sidewalk'. Happy 4th of July 'merica!
i had an epiphany while laying on the driveway for 5 hours yesterday.
i realized i waste a lot of time
That is romantic
Well sometimes you just gotta put your dicks and pizzas together to show you care
I just ate cream cheese straight for my dog
I'm afraid to ask what that means
I'm literally beginning to think that my sex dreams are prophesies
I think it's important to not involve Bar Food in any near future decisions.
The Game of Thrones convention was just a drunk fuckfest.
Please tell me you banged Jon Snow.
Woke up. Found about 20 condoms upstairs. A hole in the couch. Bread on the floor. Going back to sleep.
Took my nervous poop earlier then expected it's gonna be a good day
It’s the biggest dick I’ve ever seen. His IQ drops 25 points when he’s hard because there’s no blood going to his brain
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