She highfived me after i yelled "I'm the clit-commander!" when i came. kevin smith fan and clearly a keeper
CONQUERED: Sean from next door. Just wanted to let you know ;)
How many people did you send this to?
she was mad because i didn't remember our fuckaversary. fuck buddies are getting too demanding..
i have a surprise for you that looks bigger since I found my body hair trimmer
Carry on my wayward bro, there'll be beer when you get low. lay your neon tank to rest, dont you rage no more.
In a strange taxi 3059. Battery dying I'm dying. Bye.
I passed out with my wizard stick taped to my hands and got woken up being poked with a St. Bernard
I made a list on my phone of places I want to fuck, it's right under my list of groceries I'm getting a little too used to regular sex but dude monogamy is the shit
My mom opened up my bank statement today....my first alcohol intervention class is at 7:30am tomorrow.
I'll have party bus drop you off in the morning.
do you remember your solution to not spill your drinks last night? .. Shots, that way you wouldnt have time to spill them. i love your drunken logic haha
That amount of times your family has seen my boobs is getting ridiculous.
I left her alone for a few minutes and she's already using a guy on his hands and knees as a chair while another guy is serving her margaritas.
Found out my grandpa had two wives and found out I'm eligible for some internships 11/10 would do acid again.
I force fed him french fries and then proceeded to tell him how sexy corgi’s are … it’s safe to say he’s not texting me for a second date.
No. It's going to be "I'm mad that it took you so long to get over here" angry sex.
Randomize
