Last night Brynn convinced every person at the party wearing glasses that they stole hers, and she woke up with 8 pairs of prescription glasses in her bag.
Dude, she's just using you for your money, and Cavs tickets.
Honestly, what else do I have going for me?
You make a valid point.
I felt like a fire hydrant the vomit just kept coming out
I knew she could be a good mother by the way she craddled three 40oz's.
It's very clear that i'm the girl sweating out four lokos at 2 in the afternoon at the gym
We're trying to see who can drink the most and still be eligible to donate blood tomorrow.
Of course the bar would go completely silent right as I yell out "I don't have AIDS"
I know. I told you I'm a mess. She had weird nipples. I almost lost an eye to one.
I just asked her to come in through the window, this pretty much solidifies the whole fuck-buddy thing...
You were spooning an empty magnum of white wine in the middle of the bed so I slept on the couch
Well at least there's no more confusion about your place in my life. Wine > pizza > your dick > the rest of you.
Love you...
Made up a full house drinking game
On my way.
I WOULD NEVER MIX DICK AND MCDONALDS
Woke up, bank account is empty. Sock is still full of blood. Nothing in my pockets but a wireless mic and jenga pieces.
I TAUGHT HER CAT TO SIT. CATS DON'T FUCKING SIT ON COMMAND. BUT THIS ONE DID!
It's basically my crowning achievement.
Bahahaha I just turned on the fan in front of the elliptical to avoid puking//try to get some baywatch hair going and the guy next to me thanked me because he was "getting nauseas from the smell of stale sweat and tequila"
Randomize
