You can spell. I can kill people with no remorse. We all have our skills.
I told him that all frat guys do it... it was that easy to get him to go down on me.
Like... Chilling at home with a movie, hang out? Or have sexual intercourse in the backseat if his car, hang out?
He literally stopped in the middle of sex to look up sex positions on his iPhone...
Somewhere during foreplay he said something about me only being with two other guys... I just went with it cause we have never had that conversation...
My dream had 1 penis and 2 pizzas in it. Priorities?
I found your wallet in my underwear drawer......... Don't worry I don't plan on asking any questions
Gave him an awesome blow job on his living room couch last night, so at least he'll have something nice to think about next time he's watching the Tigers lose.
I'm drunk from drinking bourbon out of a "cupcake sippy cup" at the Denny's bar. What the fuck happened to the goals I had?
please come back they are interrogating me about masturbation
I was on the verge of being completely over him and then he went and made his Instagram not private... ITS LIKE HE KNEW
Tacos and sex are way better than any anti depressant pill ever was. I think I made a medical discovery here.
I'm all about clean living these days
You started your day with fried chicken and a bloody
... after you woke up in your own urine
Spent 38 bucks on dollar wells last night. I'm pretty sure my liver is staging a mutiny right now.
I just realized this morning that my fridge is stocked with coronas, hot dogs, and cheese dip. And I just got waxed. High-five, your best friend is on track to be all kinds of slutty fun this wkd.
Randomize
