she'd have to be at LEAST a cup size bigger for me to even consider putting up with her voice
birthday sex, birthday sex, birthday sex
I'm on my period, period, period
i just realized why god gave us younger siblings....to DD for us when we come home for the summers
Are you available to help carry me into the house Monday?
They make twin pack pregnancy tests for girls like us
Your little brother is asking me for an "expert opinion" on his dick size.
So far today I've found 3.5 million dollars in savings. Pretty sure management is gonna start buying me hookers if getting laid has this much payoff
I bought us both waterproof cases so we can sext through FaceTime in the shower.
Next. Level. Shit.
You were doing bacon vodka shots and chasing them with barbecue sauce. You're officially fucking disgusting. I love you.
last thing I remember is yelling 'sit on my face' through a traffic cone
Well, I guess you are not meant to have this fucking picture of an adorable baby duck.
I felt like I was selling my soul to satan but then I realized I already pawned it for drug money
Besides, I'm booked tomorrow. I'm planning on drinking heavily and crying in the bath.
Just because you can't have him, doesn't mean you can have his brother.
What about the best friend?
He ate me out on the front lawn of the post office. The people in the office across the road definitely got a show!
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