Would it be horrible to send my ex's girlfriend an email telling her that I sexed her man up so dirty that he fell asleep inside of me afterwards?
Wow senior week shows you new things about yourself
Is this the I'm gay speech?
you know what sucks? talking to chicks you dont want to have sex with
I'm watching the red sox through my neighbors window from my bathroom. We're winning btw.
I fingered her though her window because she couldn't leave
If you invite me to a bar tonight my liver will kick you in the testicles
The guy I fucked in San Diego is camping with us for coachella... Awk.
She twisted her ankle and paid a homeless guy for a piggy back ride home from the bar.
I'm going to fuck every single member of the men's olympic swimming team and no one is going to stop me
being sober in physics class makes me realize the regularity with which i show up to it still drunk
You do realize how pathetic it is when the woman who does your bikini waxes has seen your vagina more than I have
btw I told him that the only way he was gonna get to eat you out was if he smothered your vag with grits..
Dude. The amount of love and appreciation from a house full of stoners when you come home at 4 am with donuts is overwhelming. The kind of love to make Jesus have to work a little harder at his unconditional love thing.
Saw a girl outside my apartment shotgun a bud light, then a red bull, get in her Tahoe, and drive 4 people away. Gotta love thirsty Thursday.
He went down on me while I was on the phone with my grandma.
Randomize
