how drunk are you?
What does that even mean anymore?
bouncer thought i was tryin to get the license plate numbers of strippers to stalk them. I had to go show him where I threw up to get back in.
he said that he wanted to outsmoke the rain, I don't know what that means but I'm gonna go help him
considering I showed up there after a xanax, 2 bottles of champagne and some coke, no shirt and someone else s husband... I'm sure you can figure that one out.
Chasing tequila with honey. Ill let you know how it turns out.
Okay, quick math test. If our entire group can do at least 6 shots a night, how much alcohol will be needed to keep us shit faced for the rest of the week? This is for a grade. Anddd, go.
It was insane. I was drunk for 11 consecutive hours. I woke up covered in almonds and there were footprints all over my shirt
Guess which fraternity was just playing car to car frisbee in the McDonald's drive thru! Did you guess mine?
If I had pants on, you wouldn't be getting this text message
Just set up my first threesome: a rapper and a Marine. Pretty sure at least 80% of girls in America hate me right now.
I have a cracked rib, no way in hell I'm bottoming for him tonight!
she just nodded and said "yeah, I'd fuck him for a reese's peanut butter cup". it's so nice to know I'm not the biggest whore living here
You'd love her. She's outspoken like us. And appreciates a big penis and a strong drink.
Maybe not Elvis quality pharmaceuticals...But some good stuff
He started planning our future mid-hookup. You tell me how my night was.
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