Can we switch to phone sex? This is starting to get awkward...
someone is gonna have my baby tonight. they just dont know it yet
I'll alert the authorities
Luol and I just scored with two 40 year old married chicks. They dropped us off on the way to soccer prctic. The kids in the back were confused. Call me.
Last day of classes. 1st day attending every class. I'm proud of myself
He told me I couldn't drink an unopened bottle of water he had in his room because that was his emergency bong water
you just stood there spinning and got mad if anyone tried to stop you
Just found out he cheated on me last night. But its Shark Week so I will deal with it next week.
You need to simmer down or I'm going to buy you a labia leash.
I'm sorry I peed on the bushes at your law firm. Is there anyway you could defend me for the ticket I'm about to get?
I came to the party for him. I don't know where he went, but I mentioned being hungry and his housemate brought me a huge tupperware container of berry cobbler. I think I'll stay.
I think we need to stage a munchie intervention for Ben. I just watched him use a tortilla as a potholder to dump water out of his ramen.
Just put on slippers before underwear so you know where my priorities are
How was your night?
I spent a lot of money and drank a lot of booze. Also was part of a successful search party
I came home and my mom goes "why are you barefoot and where the hell are your shoes?" and I replied "I have French fries"
Do you know how hard it is to have sex on an air matress while there are people sleeping in the same room?!?!?
Randomize
