guy from last night has fluorescent crocs in his closet. judging by the rest of his clothes he doesn't wear them in an ironic way
i went to throw her on my bed and threw her straight in to my bike
His room was full of guns. It was like having sex with Clint Eastwood.
Is it sad that I woke up to more "Happy Holidays" texts on 4/20 than I did on Christmas?
The last thing I remember is funneling tequila out of a pink noodle.
you were drinking a pitcher of what you called "16 loko" and making everybody guess what the secret ingredient was
So recap time do u remember biting that girls hand?
I gained confidence after I found out she was a lesbian. At least that way I could flirt with her and convince her to buy me taco bell after the bar
Legitimate concern. Who am I going to have birthday sex with?
Night just started and I've already seen a woman headbutt a brick wall. Unintentionally. Epic to say the least
I'm 50% weirded out and 50% into it
He's the first man I've met that knows more about Harry Potter than I do. He shops at Goodwill and has a Game of Thrones cookbook in his apartment. This is my soulmate.
my poor anus
I've decided to take one for the team and bang the landlady for lower rent.
Ok, as his sister I didn't tell you this but he's very familiar with pregnancy symptoms. So next time he calls you fat freak him the hell out by asking if your ankles look swollen.
Randomize
