Sex on a trampoline was so worth getting a mosquito bite on my penis
its like whenever the snow comes all the hott girls drop out of school. where are they
I just don't have the heart to tell my mom you peed in our washer machine last night.
drunk waterpark is besst waterpark.
I hope I bought a crossbow. Also I need to not drink that much
Omg it was awesome. At one point she says "cum in me, I'm too old to get pregnant".
Robert just walked in drunk, grabbed my Jameson from me, told me to let him do his thing, and spilled it all over the coffee table. Then he told me to grab a funnel because he was going home.
Our prom king just sent me a dick pic. I know it's 10 years later but I feel like I've finally made it.
New fact of life: getting Becca high never helps any situation at all ever.
I'm committing myself to dance. Also, I'm unsure if you said space party sounded lame because dude was old, but I hope you're over it because I love space, and I love David Bowie and I love to dance, and you need to embrace this with me.
I just had a flashback to us shaking up Gatorade mix and then inhaling it in your kitchen because it was funny. Now I can't stop laughing in work because that is the stupidest shit.
I wanna eat mushrooms and cuddle with a million dogs at once. I wanna know what heaven is like
Today, this cop risk his life to save me from a sink hole but all I could do is laugh, I was so stoned
Well, if I’m not getting dick or sleep then I’m not interested.
Watching South Park, doing sit-ups and drinking tequila. In other words, my night is going pretty good.
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