he broke up with me so i peed in his bed
you told everyone your name was brenda and you had the whole party chanting b-dawgg by the end of the night. successful.
Her vagina was like a man-sized safe.
had to check his id this morning to remember his name.... i was wayy off
While in Europe, he bought me a pouring tap to put on my liquor so I don't spill. This means 2 things.1) He really loves me. 2) I'm a noticeable alcoholic.
He pulled his dick out during the Bourne Ultimatum, ruined it for me.
Spent 200 bucks on a stripper for a good night hug. I give up.
Every time I roll over in bed I land on a different vibrator. I feel I'm the only one with this problem.
I'm at the bar alone. Is this how you feel?
But I wanna cuddle and just put my hand awkwardly close to your penis area by accident and look at you
I wish buying curtains was as easy as buying drugs. I already KNOW what I want and what the outcome will be: awesome.
Okay, new plan. Get drunk, eat breadsticks. It's going to be great.
I gave a handjob to the beat of uptown fuck last night
The assignment was about the Industrial Revolution so I just screamed at them in a British accent all day. No, they didn't know I was hungover.
Please tell me you haven’t left campus yet!!!! I forgot my Hitachi and will not survive Thanksgiving without a steady supply of orgasms
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