ya and he came three minutes into it because he didnt have sex all summer
oh that makes more sense i knew you arent that good
What happened to him?
He was walking right behind us then disappeared.. turns out he checked his luggage at a night club, continued to drink and dance, then slept on the 4th floor of some museum
I just realized my mom and I make the same noises when we have sex. Fuck.
Did you just say he wants to put a baby inside me?
Some guy dressed like Santa just handed me a bottle of tequila. I NEVER WANT TO LEAVE CANCUN
hot buttered vodka was not a success. on any level.
Don't feel bad sweetie, you're not the only classy one in town. I'm still driving around with that tupperware of tequila in my cup holder from last week's Margarita Monday.
just saw sorostitutes streaking near the university president's house. thank you tequila day
We're shaving superhero symbols into our pubes. I call dibs on Batman.
All I remember is laying in that secret hideaway closet, naked, with a beer cowboy hat on and you walking in and sitting down crying because no one would have sex with you
sometimes, you gotta take him by the hands like tails took sonic, and fly him into the bedroom.
Dude I'm hungover as fuck in a bed in Baltimore with another man... I don't think I can make it.
THERE IS A VERY SMALL CHILD YELLING OUTSIDE OF MY DOOR. THE NEXT TIME YOU TELL ME YOUR TOO BIG FOR A CONDOM I'M GOING TO PUNCH YOU IN THE DICK.
I like it here so far, only people are a lot less accepting of my terrible decisions and it's cramping my style
My sex life is driven by spite and alcohol
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