If it looks like I didn't change from last night, it's because I didn't.
dude. FULL moustache. it was like getting head from Tom Selleck
he smelled like listerine and beef tacos
You going out tonight?
No I am at the hospital. Throwing up blood is apparently frowned upon.
Why do you think it's a no-pants party?
Invite says "dress to impress". Her fault for leaving it open to interpretation.
You know Im horny if Im walking around in my lingerie and sex robe. It's my field of dreams mentality. If I wear it, he will come.
Dude you're alone at a bar with a woman, and you're talking about my junk?
i can't believe he threw up on you. Well thats what you get for being DD. I used the sombreros as a shield!
He looks like he was the one that always had koolaid stains around his mouth as a kid, he can fuck off.
Are you seriously getting this frustrated over a hand-job right now?
Look, I tried but his dick tasted like disappointment.
then I ended up getting a lapdance from my TA...I love college.
She was trying to be sexy well putting on my condom with her mouth when her cat pounced from the corner of the room witch caused her to gasp and inhale the condom
Dude, don't beat around the bush. We're fucked and you know it.
Im bringing my light up rubber ducky just in case we end up at a rave tonight. HE CHANGES COLOR!
Randomize
