I'm going to write a letter. It's going to say, Dear Every Girl Ever: Take some goddam initiative and wake me up with a blowjob and I will eat out of your hand. Love, Every Guy Ever
Do you think she's aware of my deep hatred or should I set her hair on fire in her sleep?
At Grandmas for dinner. She is drinking a smirnoff ice. As soon as I saw it I had to stop myself from yelling chug.
Chances are I'll be there for your wedding. Camelbaks filled with jack and coke are appropriate attire, right?
Did you hear me? I HAVE THE CONTENTS OF AN NBA PLAYER'S CONDOM IN MY BEDROOM TRASHCAN!! This shit is potentially worth millions of dollars to a fertile young female who is ovulating. How do I sell it fast??
James is trying to butt-heads with a moose. I don't know whether I should stop him or just sit back and watch where this goes.
I'm taking a dab in mourning of how long its been since I smoked with you guys.
my life could not get any worse. just saw my sister in a porno
every time someone would wish me happy birthday I would be like "thanks happy birthday to you too"
He said did you just interrupt me midsentence to admire another man's penis?
I think I'm pregnant again.
or as we call it, thursday.
You left your hot dogs in my dresser again
You got your ass kicked outside KFC on Tuesday
I can't believe I'm going to buy bitcoin to pay for erection pills
just had a woman ask me to donate my eggs so that her baby could look like me. don't know whether to get a restraining order or be flattered. thoughts?
Randomize
