I solve my problems like an adult, at the strip club drinking on a work night.
i must have dtf stamped on my forehead
Nah it's cool, I made him pinky promise me he wouldn't die if I left him passed out in the bathroom.
Sunday was the 8 month anniversary when you shot me in the face...just an FYI.
It was either the harsh truths I was divulging or the liquor..... But either way, I made mom puke
I woke up this morning and the search history on my phone says: "What is this castle in front of my house?"
I thought we were but then I freaked myself out. So I kind of geared him up for take off and then cancelled the launch
I was like, booze is the closest thing I have to a father. Don't pour daddy down the sink
He watches the nature channel every time I am here. It's like a manipulation technique because baby zebras will get me every time.
Also, I just opened Google to find the lyrics to California Gurls. Karaoke night did us dirty.
Shhhh less advice, more soothing words and dirty phrases
Make a note to pack something that won't catch shell casings in your cleavage
He eats kale on the regular. Do I look like a bitch that wants to eat kale. No. Give me some Boston market.
We kicked down a door together last night, pretty sure that qualifies us as best friends.
I deserve a medal for being woke up at 6am on my day off by your mother asking where your brother is
Randomize
