yeah it was kind of like, i'm 27 and still live in a frat house.. you honestly expect me to have "moral fiber" and a "conscience"
I came out of bedroom with my jeans on backwards, zipped AND buttoned. I have inconceivable talents whilst intoxicated.
mowing the lawn. still drunk. If my dad doesn't appreciate this I swear I'm dissowning everyone including him
btw i have an angry voicemail of you yelling at me to get you a sandwich or die.
Would it help you get over me if I told you that I had unprotected sex last night?
I'm voting my liver organ of the month. The award ceremony is next weekend.
Cops came. Forced us to take the "Honk and We'll Drink" and the "Free Shots to Father's of Freshman Daughters" signs down. Before we did, someone honked and the cop said, "Aren't you gonna drink?" They then told us to move the party inside by ten.
I woke up to find that chris drank one of my contacts.
Yeah he's good at that.
WHO INVENTED HANGOVERS WHERE ARE MY CLOTHES
You ran into the tattoo shop screaming PIERCE MY TITIES
Is it weird to smoke a bong with a client from work?
Omg she's a human wrecking ball. I love it.
I am to reach this level of casual destruction.
My husband just came over to kiss me and said, "careful, I got a block of cream cheese in my pocket"
Just looked at my bank statement. 9 out of 10 transactions on the first page were from 9 different bars. The 10th was for birth control pills at the pharmacy. I need to rethink my lifestyle.
you were screaming "I don't need a shirt!" repeatedly while in the process of taking it off and flashing the bouncer. we got kicked out. thanks a lot.
Randomize
