from now on, im only gona ahve sex with my boyfriend.
How do you jack off and text at the same time?
On my iPhone they have an app for that
Lets drop out of school and be professionally skinny and drunk
Why do I fail so hard at ironing, when I'm a woman and i should be amazing at it?
because god found you far too good at oral sex and had to make all things even?
i just won a 100 dollar gift card to walmart in a karaoke contest...i love kentucky
I think they gave out some kind of ugly girl scholarship I don't know about...
Roman Polanski is more welcome at my daughter's birthday party than you are at that bar
the only muscles i have these days is kegels
He just found another high guy at wal-mart. There now friends. His friend is eating a cupcake
Well... He is a good looking man underneath all the fat and muff.
You were sitting in the middle of the floor spewing vodka at people proclaiming "I a whale". That drunk.
She tied her key to her bra the night before and couldn't get it off while trying to open the door this morning so she just took her bra off and let it tangle from the key while unlocking the door...the old Indian couple next door were shocked.
I just think that if you're going to run around naked outside, a feather boa should be involved. Half for the flair and half for an emergency cover.
And to be fair, I think we all suspect that forbidden sex with an outlaw biker might be worth it.
We're in a hurricane and you send me a video of you playing with your dick while driving! You wanna die?!
Randomize
