Fuck Jersey, the house im in is so baller but this state just cannot win.
She knew it was going down when I had her search for "condoms" in my iPhone Maps.
Life lesson #57: drinking whisky out of apples leads to threesomes.
And then she proceeded to fling her bra around while screaming the rocket power theme song, still managing to not fall off the skateboard
I need a good reason NOT to eat this entire jar of nutella right now
Just because you put plan b in my Easter basket doesn't give you an excuse not to wear a condom.
I just watched dragonflies fucking. You can't match that level of geek.
You can't possibly imagine how much I miss you. At least I'll always have that hidden folder in my computer.
Well I'm sleeping with two of them cause they have nice cars. And the third cause she has a big rack. I'm just really waiting for it all to blow up in my face so I can find a girl I'm actually interested in
Am I allowed to be in denial about being gay again? Or is that one of those things you can't do?
The next time you fuck up, your grandma sees your dick pics
I woke up with a thorn in my belly button. A THORN!
UGH FUCK THIS TRAFFIC I WANNA SUCK A DICK
We banged in his car behind the burrito place. Google Maps keeps asking me to rate my visit. 5/5, would cum again.
I looked into her soul, didn't I?
You eye-fucked her soul.
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