officially spring now- first drug bust of the season across the street.
Hey man, did I leave the bottom drawer to my refrigerator that I had beer in at your house by any chance?
I don't know what's worse, the fact that my parents own a sex swing or the fact that my little cousin was playing on it
don't think this is any sort of attachment thing but if I'm going to throw up regularly at your house, I'm going to keep a tooth brush there
The only responsible thing ive done in vegas is shower and that was onky to clean vomit off me
Also when i was high i would close my eyes and see a puppy on a grill having pancake batter poured on it.... And for whatever reason it was fucking hilarious.
He's moaning and crying and coughing up something audibly liquid. I can't live in this house any more.
IDK. when she left she was wearing her bra like an eyepatch and offering to shiver the timbers of the dorm patrol.
I just want him to come back from NOLA alive, without an arrest record or stripper glitter on his clothes...
Those seems like unreasonable expectations for a bachelor party honestly...
Right now I'm in a club where they are passing out glow in the dark dildos by the dozen. I don't think my life will ever get weirder than it is at this moment.
I think your dad took our porno
Started my day with puking in a trash can.... Its gonna be a beautiful day
When I type "sleep" my phone suggests "with Trevor". My phones an asshole.
Your not drunk until you have to grab on to the grass to keep from falling off the earth.
why the hell are you crying over taco bell?
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