i just found a cheeto on my floor and ate it. i might still be drunk.
Stalkers don't have time for showers...it's a full time job
Studying for the exam.. Identifying the portraits using phrases like "large penis"
Did I hear correctly when it sounded like he said "just don't let me throw up into your vaj?"
I'm making tacos. Give me one good reason why we shouldn't be high while eating those tacos.
Shotgunned a beer while taking a bath.
True as that may be, are you coming to the birth of my imaginary child or not?
RIGHT?!?! I'M ACTUALLY UPSET I DON'T GET TO MAKE THE 2.3 MILE TREK TO SUCK HIS COCK, yes I google earthed it.
I totally just found ecstasy floating around in the bottom of my purse, it's almost like good karma from the time I lost that blow...but not quite
his face was nice enough, but his choice of footwear screamed columbian drug lord
UPDATE: IM NOT A TEEN MOM LETS GO PARTY
He was wearing a diaper to the party. I've never felt like such a creep in my life.
the walk of shame isn't very shameful when your mom tells you she's proud of you.
I suppose writing him up is more professional than keying his car.
I miss painting strippers for Christmas. Holidays not the same without glitter and body paint
I'll be your substitute stripper tonight.
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