Half Baked? Au contraire, Ben and Jerry, I was fully baked when I ate that whole pint of ice cream.
Whatever it was. it was pregnant.
I showed my boss the "She Wolf" video. He sent it to all his friends and told me to make us martinis...thanks Shakira and keep it up
Well, find something you can use as a snorkel and be aware of your surroundings.
Are you having sex right now? Or is the apt just swaying rhythmically on its own? Either way, awesome.
Oh I already celebrated valentine's day. I stayed up until 4 AM listening to biggie, drinking rum, and caressing all my girl curves in front of the mirror. And then I came 3 times.
My main goal for tomorrow night is to make it back into my own bed
hes that one kid that offered to spoon after staring at me for 5 minutes
Awk. Hanging with her while messaging her ex about sex injuries he gave me
I just feel like I'm worth a little bit more than your recycled nudes...
We figured you were on something when you said that your nipples couldn't hear the music.
All the movies on cable here are either porn or Bollywood. I am never leaving this hotel.
This hangover is too legit right now. I just sneezed and almost puked
The dentist walked in on me trying to bottle some laughing gas to take home with me. That high.
So, I found your eyebrow, someone glued it in between my eyebrows so I looked like I had a unibrow when I went to work...
Randomize
