Woke up to a huge puddle of water in the living room floor, apparently I made an indoor snowman.
you dragged me by my throat over to the shots. this is a new level of alcoholism..
In other news, someone I've had sex with won jeopardy last night.
He is crying over the toilet and his friends just came in and tried to make him take another jello shot.
I vaguely remember hanging my bra off the ceiling fan and chugging a beer during sex
College has turned you into quite the multi tasker huh?
I'm drinking and working out! I'm bench pressing the beer pong table and doing push ups and lifting the chair.
Did I really drink that whole bottle of Jack Daniels last night?
Heroically.
You think you know everything because you're wearing a sweater
He thought you were kidding about me peeing on my ex...and then I was like "that was one time"
This is the fourth day in a row I woke up with cheetos spread around me in a ritual pattern..this weed is unreal
I blew him while the canoe was sinking...I think of it as the better version of the titanic
I think we've gotten passed awkward... the day I woke up at the palms and ur getting eaten out by the dude who just fucked me on the balcony.
I don't have any soul left to be crushed.
You were holding onto her boobs like you were adrift at sea and they were the only flotation devices
Truth be told it's significantly easier to get over someone when they file a police report on you
Randomize
