sitting with a guy who's looking at the cum stains on the bed. Do you think he's convinced it's from the cat?
No. He thinks you're slutty.
I told them you could toss a salad like wolfgang puck
please quote me on this- the only thing worse than being ugly is being ugly and thinking that you're pretty
i was so drunk that there were 2 of her, and i didn't know which one to fuck
you made your cat watch a peta video with you, so you could show it how just how good its life is
I just had a dream where Bob Saget recognized me from when I hung out with him in a dream I had months ago.
Oh no I would never do that to her. But when you're single again let me know. Cheating penis is definitely better than single penis. But she has claws.
We need to put it on a rope attached to the bong, so it can't be dropped. Apparently, you need a stem safety leash.
He stood me up and then his cat died. I feel like this is Gods way of saying he's on my side, even after the tequila fiasco.
The highlight of my night was when you proclaimed that the man standing next to you smelt like grape medicine...
It could be worse. I was dumped by a guy in a kilt after he gave my shoes away on St. Patrick's Day.
You left me alone with nothing but donuts and my thoughts.
I just want to have sex and eat dumplings. Is that so much to ask?
I'm too depressed to masturbate. This election is the worst.
ready for a night of bad decisions, horrible moral standards, and an unhealthy amount of illegal substances.
Randomize
