This chick, for whatever reason, has serious "Leave your wife and kids and also break up her young marriage in order to frolick for a good 2 weeks before I realize that she's just like the rest of them and I made a huge mistake and ruined a lot of lives in the process" potential. It's SO INTRIGUING.
omg i finished an entire carton of double double chunk chunk ice cream last night...
what? what exactly is in double double chunk chunk?
self-loathing.
our school mascot just walked into class and threw condoms everywhere. welcome to college
What's the big deal? you guys fuck
3 times is my limit. I don't even want to know you exist after 3 times
this must be what syphilis tastes like
I can pinpoint my loss of innocence as the moment I started masturbating with my teddy bears
When people ask about my bruises, I'm just going to say it was a doorknob. Or possibly a group of doorknobs. Angry doorknobs.
There should be a rule. If your dick is under 6 inches, you are not allowed to dress as Thor.
i have a raging boner for Saturday, day drinking is one of my top favorite things right next to alligator wrestling and blowing shit up
so I found out I could dislocate my shoulders on demand while I was trippin on e last night...
Also if i get drunk and start crying about the elephants you all have my permission to abandon me.
I woke up knowing I have nowhere to be today except parties and it was glorious and I am so happy
Drunk assassins creed leads to explaining to my father that "it was only a steak knife in the arm"
I keep finding Kraft singles in his pockets. Honestly, this is the weirdest family I've ever worked for.
of fours songebofy did dknt stop believing
how legible are my texts
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