Your brother just successfully got half the bar mostly naked
he was on top of me and all of a sudden stopped and starting picking his nose...i asked him if he was okay, he sort of looked confused, and he told me he had a booger that hurt. guess its a good thing i wasnt planning on dating this guy
the line at the liquor store is out the door, and students in line are high-fiving like crazy...i love college snow days
5 am booty call.. And I went I need to gain better control of my vagina
Like lay upon bear skin rugs, drink brandy and reminisce of the yesteryear's before a majestic fire place? Because those are my plans.
If I don't survive tonitght I would like to thank you for the ricekrispy treats. I am majestic
one of my coworkers wanted to look something up on YouTube on my tablet. I didn't know how to explain why my most recent search was "girl fucks dog."
I'm still high with raccoon eyeliner eyes and chocolate all over my face and chest, clutching a mug of wine. Happy graduation.
Less adorably, the dog stared me down, yelping, while I gave him a morning blowie.
Watching a bear prancing around in a tiara is worth a loss of bar time.
Taking care of drunk people fulfills my need to be a mother
I JUST BROKE A NAIL MASTURBATING. WTF I could even enjoy my orgasm bc now I'm gonna have to spend $50 on my nails.
She puked in the bed, peed in the closet, and woke up on a Rubbermaid in the closet under the stair case
If this adventure is going to get us arrested it'll have to wait until Wednesday so that I can bail myself out.
She made me watch three musicals and then told me she was too tired for me to stay over. I think I'm being punished but I have no clue what I did.
Randomize
