I'm totally gay for Miss Californiaaaaaa
oh sweet, sweet irony
Dual, econ, hell, shiv, aunt, puppy. 1 out of 6. T9 word needs to learn how to cuss like me.
this guy showed up at my house asking for his sword and cape. something tells me i shouldn't drink that much again.
he cracked the bottle of jager at 11am and said "hey, its Saturday and I gotta do something"
Just woke up. I have a "Detective Jacob Arnold's" business card in my pocket.
They want to listen to Lady Gaga while they puke.
I went to check the drunk texts i sent last night but my phone deleted them already. Even my phone is ashamed.
Before I roll over explain to me why you're naked and on my floor.
Nm. Exausted and my teeth just fell out again
Realized it was likely to be cursed, didn't want my own Johnson magically turning into some sort of fire breathing reptile and eating me
That is an interesting fear as well as image
we were sitting in the kitchen and you kept biting my shoulder saying "itll all be over soon"
I shouldn't be that hard, but i cant exactly put "a guy to tie me up and fuck me and then brush my hair" in my dating profile
I hooked up with a guy that had a beard last night felt like I was building a fucken log cabin
THAT'S MY GIRL
KICKING BUT AND GETTING PEOPLE INTOXICATED
I just feel weird about accepting their wedding invite when I've got a post-engagement video on my phone of him jacking off in my bathroom.
Randomize
