tell your sister to shave her snatch
Just spent five minutes taking pictures of my hands for some random guy.
Thanks for reminding me why I talk about you behind your back. Get laid.
Turning 21 on Saint Patty's day. I like to think this is what my alcoholic ancestors have prepared me for
he's drinking at 8 in the morning. it's going to be one of those "or else the terrorists have won" kinda days
There's a high school volleyball camp on campus this summer. I'm definitely going to jail.
I didn't think it was possible but there may actually be TOO MANY pictures of me tagged shotgunning.
One of the bamboo sticks broke and impaled him. I think he's drunk enough that it shouldn't hurt until tomorrow.
We are gonna be 90 years old in wheelchairs at the nursing home sitting at computers poking each other and waiting for the other to die so we will have the last facebook poke.
You've slept with me you know how lazy I am in bed.
Not sure what time I'll be home. I'm currently topless and the damn stripper won't give me my clothes back
This is not a drill. I need a cape. And a tuxedo. Simultaneously. Repeat. NOT. A. DRILL....
You just kept looking down at your tits and screaming "I LOVE YOU TWO!!!"
Apparently swingers are magnetically drawn to me?
Honestly, if you don't have a lawsuit pending against you by this time tomorrow, I'll be impressed.
I mean, if I asked you, would you cum on cotton candy for me?
Randomize
