But regardless, you really stood out last night, you should give me a chance
Sorry but you seem like a potential womanizer
rough night. sneezed a watermelon seed this morning and apparently I drunk dialed my boss for a ride home. twice.
He told me they were just razor bumps!
Changing from sweatpants to jeans at 3 in the afternoon makes the day seem so much more productive than it actually was.
I'm so covered in bruises. God dammit drunk me. We are a lady.
You sprayed lysol all over me. You said that my soberness was infecting your night.
Plus, it's just valuable. Virgin pee is very well-priced.
I made friends with the delivery guy because he had beautiful dread locks and was a Zelda fan. He texted me after he left saying he wasn't trying to be creepy but we should be friends. We're hanging out tomorrow.
How does this kind of shit happen to you?!
All I really remember is shouting "THANKS FOR LETTING ME MAKE OUT WITH YOUR GIRLFRIEND."
What can I say? You have this amazing power over straight girls.
I'm working on a search warrant...can u pick up box of Chardonnay...I'll give u cash when u get here...
Yea... I love that ur a prosecutor and drink box wine
You don't have to have sex with both if us but I would like a little positive fucking regard.
You thanked me for a delicious cock and tacos...
I JUST AGREED TO GO TO A CHILD'S BIRTHDAY PARTY AT A PLACE CALLED PUZZLE'S FUN DOME WHY DO I HATE MYSELF
I'm currently using a band-aid to cover my bar stamp from last night while I ask my professor for an extension. That's a sign of getting more responsible, right?
What, That's like a total 7 inches of cock and 6 are from Joe. Don't be mad at me because you had the lamest orgy ever.
Randomize
